davehayes.org

so we have some idiot over at associated content that calls themselves tsu dho nimh who has so graciously decided to bless us with their own idiotic “is linooks ready for teh desktops!?!1” article. as if we don’t see enough of this pointless and moronic discussion on the forums every day, this little gem managed to make it all the way to slashdot. now, i’m not sure what kind of a cranial vacuum managed to spawn this piece of garbage, but just for entertainment’s sake, let’s have a look.

right off the bat, we can tell this is going to be nothing but a boat load of asinine n00b drivel. the author provides us with a list of “non-negotiable requirements” that are all the evidence we need. just look at them:

1. It must have a GUI interface for installing and configuring the system.
2. Existing hardware must remain usable and the new operating system must make it “just work” without my having to edit text-based configuration files.
3. Existing software must remain usable unless the new operating system has equivalent features to the ones I use, and I can switch without losing data or doing much work.
4. Because I need to use software that has no Linux substitute, the Linux distribution must make it easy to create a dual-boot system. It has to recognize and preserve the existing operating system and its data during installation, and give me access to the data on the Windows drives after installation.

before we go any further, i want to address this list in two ways. first, without reading the rest of this stupid article, i can tell you that ubuntu linux meets and exceeds all of these ridiculous requirements.

1. the ubuntu desktop install cd boots directly to a live cd desktop and the complete install is done from there. you can surf the web, chat over your favorite im network, play games, whatever you want to do all while the installer is going. when it finishes, simply reboot into your newly installed desktop. there is nothing text-mode or command line to be done.
2. most hardware is going to be detected and work out of the box automagically. if not, you’ll know as soon as you boot the livecd, before you make any changes to your hard drive. you might want (or need) to install a proprietary driver, which is accomplished quite easily using the very friendly add/remove applications front end for synaptic.
3. ubuntu will resize windows partitions without data loss and provides a mechanism to migrate much of your data from your windows user account to your new ubuntu installation.
4. ubuntu will also automagically create entries in grub to allow you to boot either windows or linux and will automagically mount all your windows drives so you can access them from ubuntu.

the best part about this, aside from the fact that ubuntu linux blows his ridiculous requirements out of the water, is that the operating system this moron is currently using (windows 2000) doesn’t even come close to meeting them.

1. the first half of the windows 2000 installation (as well as xp) is in text mode. this includes the initial partitioning and whatnot.
2. windows 2000 does not make your hardware “just work.” hopefully you have your driver disk for you sata controller handy as well as a floppy drive to put it in or you may not be able to install it at all. after that, you’re most likely going to have to either locate discs or downloads containing drivers for your video card, motherboard chipset, sound card, network card, printer, etc to get any of those things to work properly.
3. windows 2000 does not provide any automated data migration facilities at all. not even from other versions of windows, let alone other operating systems. if you’re installing on a computer already containing an OS, you’re going to have to do some very careful partitioning to not lose any data and it’s going to be a fair amount of work getting everything transferred over.
4. windows 2000 does not provide any mechanism at all to boot any other operating system besides itself. it also cannot access the partitions and drives of any other operating system without 3rd party software, so it certainly is not going to work out of the box.

so, right off the bat we can see that this person is already doing the age old double standard thing and trying their best to run the complete opposite direction from objectivity. anyway, to dive into the article, let’s take a look at what the n00b thinks are problems.

Problem 1: The NVIDIA graphics card needs non-Linux drivers to get full benefit of the card’s features. The Ubuntu help on their website explained how to install what they call “restricted drivers”. Their solution was clear, easy to understand, and best of all, it worked. This is definitely an improvement.

savor this, it’s pretty much the only objectivity you’re going to come across.

Problem 2: Even after installing the correct drivers and rebooting, my 1280×1024 monitor could only be set to 1024×768 pixels. The answer is in the Ubuntu “community documents” area, and it works. It involved opening a terminal and using the command line (I cheat, I cut and paste instead of typing), but it also worked.

oh horror of horrors, you had to use the command line. perhaps we have scarred your poor little brain by forcing you to learn something? the thing here is, out of the box with ubuntu, your 2d works fully on an nvidia card. you don’t get the crazy slow screen redraws like you do on windows when you’re not using the driver. secondly, you can either obtain your driver from nvidia and download and install it (like you would have to do with windows) or you can use ubuntu’s mechanism to do it, which is very well documented.

not to mention you’re still making the glaring mistake of approaching everything like a windows nerd. from now on i’m going to start griping about how i can’t find my xorg.conf to change my monitor settings on windows, since obviously all my linux knowledge applies to any operating system i’m going to try to use.

Problem 3: Although CDs played immediately, to play DVDs I had to locate and install some files that bypass content protection coding. The website I acquired them from, www.getautomatix.com , warned me that I might be installing something illegal, but I said, “Yarrr, matey”, and clicked the install button. Automatix installed itself, then I selected what I needed. More files were downloaded and installed … really automagically! After that DVDs worked. I have no clue what it did, and that’s the way I like it.

dvds don’t play out of the box on windows 2000 either, captain. and news flash, unless you paid for dvd playing software for windows 2000, you’re just as much of a pirate when you watch them there, too. and i’m glad you like being ignorant because you’re doing a damn fine job of it.

Problem 4: The Linux Flash players did not work with YouTube, and Adobe’s Flash video player was extremely difficult to install. I have a 64-bit microprocessor, and installed 64-bit Ubuntu. Although 64-bit Linux has been available for more than five years, Adobe hasn’t bothered to develop 64-bit version of Flash for Linux yet. My live-in geek tracked the problem down for me, and Adobe is reportedly working on 64-bit software.

here you’re already breaking your testing method. if you just read and clicked you would’ve downloaded the i386 version and not the 64 bit version and you wouldn’t even have this problem. if you had done what you said you were going to do, all you would’ve had to do was install the flash player package in the add/remove programs thing.

and suddenly, it’s linux’s fault adobe doesn’t make a 64 bit flash? hell, they don’t even make a 64 bit version of windows 2000. even better, adobe doesn’t make a 64 bit version flash for any operating system, not even xp or vista! just the fact that you can even run anything in 64 bit mode puts you 110% ahead of windows 2000.

Problem 5: Google’s Picasa does not work. Every time I launch Picasa it locks up my computer and sends the CPU utilization to 100%. The problem is Google, not Ubuntu. Instead of writing real Linux software, all Google did was take their Windows version and wrap it in WINE (fake Windows) to make it work in Linux. I expected Google to do better than that.

no, again, the problem is that you installed the 64 bit version of ubuntu, which is not supported by picasa. you wouldn’t have this problem if you had done what every other sane and reasonable person does and stuck with the i386 version. and in the end you say that the outline feature of word is the showstopper that keeps you from using linux?

you are not ready for the desktop. in fact, you’re an idiot. i’m begging you, please stick with windows. the linux community does not need blockheads like yourself running around spewing idiocy all over the place and getting in the way of development by complaining about things that we have no control over. for the love of all things holy, stick with windows and stay out of our hair. and keep your asinine opinions to yourself from now on, too.

I’ve updated this HOWTO to work with Ubuntu Hardy and the latest (as of this writing) wineasio and fixed the link to Steinberg’s site. If you notice any errors, please let me know so I can fix them. I also need to say thanks to Peter Jones for his work on wineasio and the information he contributed to this howto.

You may have already heard about REAPER. If not, REAPER is an extremely powerful digital audio workstation brought to you by the creator of Winamp. It’s also very reasonably priced. Unfortunately, it’s also Windows based, which presents a problem for people like me who avoid Microsoft products like the plague. REAPER can run under Linux with Wine, but up until recently that solution has left a lot to be desired (even compared to current Linux-based audio production solutions). The reason for this is because REAPER had to use the standard wavemapper interface to get audio to play. To put it mildly, that sucks. Even then it was very unreliable.

The other day, my friend Aaron (pipelineaudio) turned me on to a project called wineasio (or wine asio). What this does is allow REAPER to use the ASIO interface, which works much better. wineasio takes the connections from the ASIO interface and exposes them to JACK, which gives you a whole world of routing and configuration possibilities as well as a reasonably low latency interface to your soundcard. So, let’s get started.

(more…)

i have never seen so many bizarre, mysterious, that-shouldn’t-be-possible types of networking problems as with windows. you can blame it on software, users, hardware, whatever… but i have never seen problems like this with computers running osx or linux. take for example the problem i’m dealing with today.

i have a user who calls me this morning and says he can’t connect to the internet. or e-mail. usually this is a standard type of complaint that takes 30 seconds to troubleshoot and resolve. however, this one is different because as of now, an hour later, it is still unresolved and i already want to drink drano.

basic troubleshooting. first things first, reboot. lord knows that fixes probably 75% of windows problems anyway, but we have no such luck here. so let’s see if we can figure out what the problem is. why can’t the user connect? i attempt to ping our router:

Microsoft Windows XP [Version 5.1.2600]
(C) Copyright 1985-2001 Microsoft Corp.

C:\>ping 192.168.111.1

Pinging 192.168.111.1 with 32 bytes of data:

Reply from 192.168.111.1: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=64
Reply from 192.168.111.1: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=64
Reply from 192.168.111.1: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=64
Reply from 192.168.111.1: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=64

Ping statistics for 192.168.111.1:
    Packets: Sent = 4, Received = 4, Lost = 0 (0% loss),
Approximate round trip times in milli-seconds:
    Minimum = 0ms, Maximum = 0ms, Average = 0ms

well, he’s obviously connected to the network and passing traffic to/from the router without any trouble. how about the proxy server:

C:\>ping guardian
Ping request could not find host guardian. Please check the name and try again.

what the heck? let’s try pinging the ip address of the proxy:

C:\>ping 192.168.111.6

Pinging 192.168.111.6 with 32 bytes of data:

Reply from 192.168.111.6: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=64
Reply from 192.168.111.6: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=64
Reply from 192.168.111.6: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=64
Reply from 192.168.111.6: bytes=32 time<1ms TTL=64

Ping statistics for 192.168.111.6:
    Packets: Sent = 4, Received = 4, Lost = 0 (0% loss),
Approximate round trip times in milli-seconds:
    Minimum = 0ms, Maximum = 0ms, Average = 0ms

that worked fine, so apparently it’s a DNS issue. i checked the DNS settings, it pulled the correct ones from DHCP but i set them manually just to be sure. still a no go. well, let’s try to ping the e-mail server, which also provides DNS:

C:\>ping 192.168.111.2

Pinging 192.168.111.2 with 32 bytes of data:

Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.

Ping statistics for 192.168.111.2:
    Packets: Sent = 4, Received = 0, Lost = 4 (100% loss),

now this is really weird. i can ping that server from any other computer on the network. i’ve checked and double checked all the network settings on the offending computer, there’s nothing wrong. so i think maybe the switch is flaking out on me, so i move the cable to a different physical port. no luck.

so basically, i have a user’s computer that connects to the network and can ping every other computer on the network just fine, except for the computer that provides DNS and e-mail services. all of the other computers can use the DNS and e-mail services without a problem. how is this even possible?

if you have any ideas, please let me know. otherwise, just stop by with some gin, drano and olives and make me a cocktail to put me out of my misery.

there are a number of small, annoying things about a fresh ubuntu (or any linux distro… any operating system, for that matter) installation. one tiny thing that contributes to an overall feel of incompletion is the fact that the “create document” portion of the nautilus context menu complains that there are “no templates installed”

all you need to do is create a folder called Templates in your home directory (that’s ~/Templates) and open your favorite spreadsheet or word processing software and save an empty document to ~/Templates and name it however you want it to show up in the menu. this works for any type of file that makes sense to have in a “create document” menu. magic!

i’m bored, so here’s a list of things i’ve been drooling over. mostly as a result of watching entirely too much 24.

rothco heavy-weight classic messenger bag

hey, i need a bag with which to carry my tricks, right? well, this is a heavy weight canvas bag made by rothco. it features the follwing…

• a large main compartment
• an inside zipper pouch
• 3 outside pockets
• brass hardware
• and a 2 inch wide adjustable shoulder strap

the bag’s 15” x 11” x 6” dimensions make it ideal for carrying the next item on my list…

system76 serval performance

system76 is a new company that primarily sells computers with ubuntu linux pre-installed. the price is right, the hardware is good and the whole thing is very good looking. here are the abbreviated specs of the serval i would (will?) be ordering:

• Core 2 Duo T7200 2.0GHz 4MB 667FSB
• 2 GB DDR2 667 MHz
• 100 GB 5400 RPM SATA
• CD-RW / DVD-RW (Dual Layer)
• nVidia GeForce GO 7600 with 256MB VRAM
• 15.4” Widescreen WXGA (1280X800)

microtech HALO III

now we’re getting to the good stuff. this is the microtech halo iii, quite possibly the finest automatic knife available. it features a 5.37″ blade and an automatic, out-the-front opening action.

unfortunately, the $400 price tag isn’t the only thing holding me back from procuring such a great piece of hardware; switchblade knives are illegal to own or carry here in tennessee, which makes this the only item on my list that i can never own as long as i live here.

heckler & koch USP

the HK USP is a modern, polymer framed firearm that has been battle proven many times over (although i still prefer my 1911 colts) and i think it’d make the perfect weapon to keep concealed in me bag o’ tricks.

i’d have it fitted with some nice tritium night sights. however, i think i’ll stray from my favorite round (.45 ACP) in favor of 9mm in this case. i’d also need an extended, threaded barrel for the…

advanced armament corp. evolution 9 silencer

this wonderful piece of equipment provides between 33dB and 41dB of sound reduction, which is remarkable. the integrated nielsen device insures that browning-inspired handgun actions function reliably with the added weight on the barrel.

contrary to popular belief, silencers are completely legal for anyone to own in most states (including TN). there are no special permits or licenses needed. only a background check and a transfer tax… basically just like buying a firearm. if you can purchase and own a gun, you can purchase and own a silencer. too bad we can’t be as sensible about the knife i mentioned earlier.

surefire 6p

surefire makes the best there is when it comes to flash lights. the surefire 6p is a small package, only 5 inches long… small enough to easily slip into your pocket, yet with the optional p61 bulb it produces up to 120 lumens… more than a 5 d-cell mag-lite!

it makes a perfect companion for the silenced hk usp in the case of a night-time self defense situation. the surefire 6p is actually bright enough to be used to temporarily blind an assailant in low-light settings, providing you with precious seconds to respond to the threat.

conclusion

well, there you have it. me bag o’ tricks. i’m interested to hear your suggestions for other items that you think should be included, as i’m sure i’ve left plenty of room for more items.